It's a fact; I've tested it.  People are afraid of PENCILS...(!)  Who knew. (Or, they're afraid of Magic Tricks.  But still.  Usually just the pencil is enough.  So.)

Anyway this was a discovery, and I had to share.  So I scouted up ahead, through the Silent Hill hottie (but lesbian) nurses, and into the Gothic cathedral with the hottie vamp chick (straight but attached), where I can see "ahead" out into the secondary graveyard a good three minutes' worth... no pigeons.  Good.  I had time.  So I backtracked and went through Arkham into the Egyptian Tomb area.

There are two tall skinny guys there at the entrance decked out in Basic SWFX zombie suits modified as mummy soldiers... first-year n00bz I think... so, they had to know.  And sure enough they were sitting, not standing statuesquely on guard duty as they're supposed to be.  They were counting on a motion detector that bangs a crate lid to warn them, but I was
moving too fast.

They see me and stand up, looking guilty.  Or at least, as guilty as a guy in  full mask CAN look.  Still, there's a certain body language.  So I've gotta play them.

(OK it's like this, and I don't make much of it, but I have a certain reputation round the place, and a certain respect.  That's fair; I've turned in some pretty good work in the last few years, and this year's Joker kit-- and act-- is already semi-legendary.  Like the n00bz are scared to talk to me in case I'm a stuck-up jerk.  But that's not how I roll.  It's an annual ad hoc brotherhood, a 'tribe' of sorts I guess.  Anyone brave enough to approach gets friendly conversation.  And I'm probably now on over a dozen FaceBook/MySpace pages in a pic standing next to the page owner.)

THAT said, I have two guilty-looking little puppies hoping I don't see the wet spot, so I snap out of the Joker and into Ash, 'boomstick' delivery:

"Awright, two things, guys." (almost went the 'primitive screwheads' route)
"First, <holding one up> people are afraid of pencils.  Ya got that?  Okay then. I don't know why, but it's true.  Remember it."
<turning, re-turning>
"Oh and second.  Zombies don't have male accessories.  Think about it.  Look at yourselves.  Soft tissue is the first to go."

I walked off, reflecting that playing to a crowd wearing full rubber masks is a really tough gig.  I mean they could be blowing Dr. Pepper out their noses and who could tell.

So a few groups later it's quiet again... I scout forward, nothing, so I go back to the Tomb.

They're sitting again.  Maybe I wasn't scary enough.

So I walk up, pull out a pencil, and say, "Okay.  Remember what I said? That's right.  People with accessories the size of pencils-- are scared of zombies."

Walk off, yup, rubber masks, tough crowd...

I went back one more time that night.  I just held up the pencil-- and nodded to both of them.  They sort of nodded back.  I think.  Hard to be sure.

Damn masks.